Hey everyone, happy Monday
I’ve been thinking recently as a number of my friends are settling down or trying to settle down about how lucky I am. I have been told by several people recently that I am so lucky that I have found the one and that my marriage is successful and that most importantly, we get along. This discovery hit me hard for a few reasons. First, marriage is the hardest thing in the world and to people who think Sophie and I get along all the time, I am here to tell you, we don’t. We fight a lot we argue a lot we disagree a lot. However, that does not mean we don’t love each other or care for each other deeply. Secondly, ironically enough, I am not a believer in the notion of finding “the one”. I don’t think Sophie and I are meant for each other because of some outside force known as the one, I think we work really hard to make our marriage work, but I also think us being friends first helped set a foundation for a healthy relationship with effective communication. We also have tremendous respect for our passions even though we may not have certain common interests. Yes, we both like art and cinema and love a lot of the same things, but we also have a lot of differences. We mutually respect each other’s interest. Finally, I don’t want my friends to think we are just lucky that we work. I am very grateful that we do but I also know Sophie and I are rare in that we were really close before we got together. As anyone who knows me or reads my blog knows, we are in counseling and it has helped a tremendous amount but it’s always a work in progress. I love my wife more than anything and I will do absolutely anything for her, but it is my no means an easy relationship
So as Sophie and I continue our marriage counseling, we’ve been talking a lot about change and growing. I share this because it is something that I have talked extensively with my mother and friends about. The idea of people changing in relationships and the good and the bad that comes with it.
To preface, Sophie and I began doing marriage counseling about two months ago. We both decided it would be a good idea and help our marriage. Throughout our sessions, the topic of change quickly became the focal point. Our counselor had us do exercises together and did sessions with us independently and still the main topic that kept coming up was change.
Although Sophie and I both were having fun with counseling and treated it more like a date and a way to expand and nurture our marriage, the constant thought of change was always in my head. To clarify, I am referring to people changing in relationships and becoming different people than they were. Through our sessions, it became clear, we both were not the same people we married.
At first after coming to this realization, I had a tiny panic attack. In society, change is not positively thought of and especially within a marriage. However, after talking with my mother, who is a therapist, and talking with Sophie about it. (Communicating with your partner is the most important thing) I quickly began to realize maybe change isn’t so bad. Maybe the person I married changing isn’t necessarily a bad thing and can be beneficial to our marriage. Now I know some people may be thinking it is bad if the person you married is not the same person. While I believe people changing isn’t always good, I do believe its part of human life and human experience. Our marriage was an experience and both had different impacts on Sophie and I separately. My mom told me that Marriages transform people and part of a relationship and a marriage is growing together. So yes, maybe Sophie and I changing throughout our marriage may be a good thing. As long as the feelings of love and intimacy are still present, I want to change with her and grow with her.