An ode to my wife 

This girl right here has been with me since day 1. I can’t express my gratitude and amazement fairly because I don’t have the right words to sum up how madly I am in love with you. It is such a rarity to have someone in your life that you learn something new from everyday and inspires you to be the very best person you can be. In you, I have found not only my soulmate, but also my best friend.  (Continue reading below)

We may have a lot of arguments and occasionally let our emotions get the best of us but at the end of the day, we always come back to one another with an even greater understanding of love and acceptance. I love you more and more everyday babe. 

Update

Hi everyone,

Sorry for the gap in substantive posts, I have been on vacation in Canada and the U.S. for a while and have slacked on the posting.

Sophie and I have been doing really well, talking about children and building a family together and have been fighting a lot less since we used to.

Part of me thinks we fight less because we started marriage counseling- something that Sophie was reluctant to do at first. We decided to do it because we are both incredibly different people and we were  fighting so much, about nothing important really, but we both decided it was important to learn how to fight, since we both know fighting is part of marriage and relationships.

Ever since counseling, we have been on the same page and are more communicative with one another. Having an advocate for our marriage is so important and having someone talking us through even the most simplest of issues is both refreshing and eye opening.

As we move forward and get ready to start our second year of medical school soon, we both know marriage is different and more serious than dating or being engaged. I have learned a lot about relationships and the importance of communication in the last 6 months than I have learned in my entire life.

Anyways, I hope this post makes some sort of sense and I look forward to being more consistent with my posting.

Thoughts on the weekend events

I can’t tell you how many people have criticized me, ridiculed me, tried to silence me for being “too harsh” or “too emotional” toward my friends/family (online and in person) when it comes to calling out racism/bigotry in people’s words/actions. (my partners have criticized me over the years, my family members have criticized me, my friends have asked me to tone it down around certain people… the list goes on and on and there’s lots of victim blaming and devils-advocate-ing that has gone on…)

but. you forget that A) I put myself thru the same ringer every moment to make sure antiblackness and bigotry don’t come out in my words/actions. I’m EXTREMELY introspective and try to be as accountable as possible when I do mess up. I have internalized a lot of bs from this world and it is a full-time job trying to get rid of it from my system.

And you maybe also forget that B) the future of our society depends on it… on ALL of us calling out racism. yes, when it’s tough, scary, right in front of us. the crazy part is, it’s a lot more dangerous for some of us than others. I honestly experience anxiety watching black women / queer women / trans women and nonconforming femmes/ elder women / differently abled women take to the frontline. But if we can show up in our relationships, workplaces, classrooms, communities being authentic, present, brave, mindful about our own behavior AND passionate enough to call others into that same introspective reflection, so can you! what if more people were inspired by our passion as black women? not defensive? imagine.

 

A year ago things were so different

So one year ago I met a girl who I didn’t know would change my life. Now one reading this automatically would assume its my wife, well surprise its not. At this point you’re probably thinking I’m a dick, but let me explain, because I promise I’m not.

 

A year ago I was in an incredibly abusive relationship and pregnant.  For comfort I often turned to basketball, a sport I played competitively throughout my childhood and in college. To keep the story short, I turned to Instagram and reached out to someone with a mutual interest in women’s basketball and I told her something I had never told anyone before, I was in an abusive relationship and pregnant with a child that I wasn’t sure I was ready to keep or deal with. She showed me an unbelievable balance of compassion and reality and made sure I was okay. As our conversations quickly grew more frequent, we soon began talking everyday. She was the first person I told when I eventually lost the baby and ultimately, left the guy.  At this point I had learned she was a young college student in Canada and I was in Houston spending time with my family and protecting myself from my crazy ex boyfriend who was threating me.

While the girl and I kept talking and realized we liked each other a lot more than we thought, we never acted upon those feelings because we both knew long distance is hard and we didn’t actually know each other, I also had a new boyfriend, Eric, who the girl knew about. To keep it brief and to the point, in February of this year, we ended our conversations in a much explosive matter. (Earlier posts go in detail of the entire event). She stopped responding to my emails, phone calls, text messages, and any other form of communication.  To put it bluntly, she ghosted.  I was first pretty upset and hurt as she had become an important part of my life and someone I confided in about the most sensitive of topics. People who know me know that I am perfectly comfortable dwelling in my own thoughts as I learned the feelings won’t go away until they are confronted and acknowledged. However, I soon delve myself into medical school and met another Canadian, my wife.

 

Now I don’t know what we were or what exactly happened, but my point of this post was to say at a time when the anniversary of losing my baby is coming up, I owe her probably my life. I don’t know if I would be standing here today if I had not reached out to her and she gave me the hard truth about leaving my ex. Now we haven’t spoken in over 5 months and I don’t know if she even cares about me at all, but I thank her everyday because I am now the happiest person in the world. I have a wife, we are going to be adopting kids, and I do thank her for that.

 

We probably wont ever talk again but I cherish those brief months of communication and thank her for showing me compassion and understanding.

 

Thank you for everyone who read this and I am sorry it was so jumbled.

Trauma (trigger warning: Rape)

Hey everyone, so this is something I have been wanting to share for a while but ever really had the right time so Soph, my wife, just told me to go for it. It has been hard for me to talk about what happened but it was about 7 years ago so here it goes..

7 years ago today I was raped. 7 years ago today my life changed because of it and my understanding of my body evolved in ways I didn’t even know possible. 7 years later, living with depression and I’m still here. Even though there are some days when it can be hard to be or some days when I wish this wasn’t a trauma I had to hold. Even though some days this trauma can feel heavy.

And I’m still here.

Smiling. Surviving. Thriving.

I woke up today and felt light. I usually await this day with anxiety in how it will make me feel. But today I feel vibrant. And happy. And strong.

Letting my traumas shine through me like the sun. Loving myself, especially on the days that my power and my agency were challenged. Loving myself completely and in all of my complexities.

Thank you all for listening and have a great day 🙂

Life as it is

Hey everyone so as soph and I are seriously settling into married life, we have also begun talking about children and how many we want and what kind we want and how we want to do it. We know it’s a big step and we don’t know yet the time frame but we know we both are serious about kids now and are excited but also terrified. I know its not much but I did want to share it with y’all as it is exciting to both of us. Soph at first had reservations saying we’d be in over are heads and have no idea what we’re doing to which I reminded her, whenever we do it, we’ll be in over our heads and have no idea what we’re doing.

New House

Hey everyone,

so Sophie and I moved into a new house for personal reasons and we couldn’t be happier with our new location. We are still in LA, but just moved into a house that we can call ours. I am letting Soph take point on interior design and remodeling. Marriage has been great and yes, complicated and different, but in all that complexity, marriage is amazing I was against marriage for the longest time and I am so glad I found someone to make me second guess myself and want marriage and a family.

 

Sophie and I have also decided to adopt children in the near future and can’t wait, something else I changed my mind about. I keep telling my friends who are against marriage that maybe it takes the right person and they shouldn’t say never.

Sophie went to Canada for a few weeks last night to be with her family for their reunion  and I already miss her like crazy but I have business to take care of here and she will be back in a few weeks.

Happy Sunday y’all.