So as Sophie and I continue our marriage counseling, we’ve been talking a lot about change and growing. I share this because it is something that I have talked extensively with my mother and friends about. The idea of people changing in relationships and the good and the bad that comes with it.
To preface, Sophie and I began doing marriage counseling about two months ago. We both decided it would be a good idea and help our marriage. Throughout our sessions, the topic of change quickly became the focal point. Our counselor had us do exercises together and did sessions with us independently and still the main topic that kept coming up was change.
Although Sophie and I both were having fun with counseling and treated it more like a date and a way to expand and nurture our marriage, the constant thought of change was always in my head. To clarify, I am referring to people changing in relationships and becoming different people than they were. Through our sessions, it became clear, we both were not the same people we married.
At first after coming to this realization, I had a tiny panic attack. In society, change is not positively thought of and especially within a marriage. However, after talking with my mother, who is a therapist, and talking with Sophie about it. (Communicating with your partner is the most important thing) I quickly began to realize maybe change isn’t so bad. Maybe the person I married changing isn’t necessarily a bad thing and can be beneficial to our marriage. Now I know some people may be thinking it is bad if the person you married is not the same person. While I believe people changing isn’t always good, I do believe its part of human life and human experience. Our marriage was an experience and both had different impacts on Sophie and I separately. My mom told me that Marriages transform people and part of a relationship and a marriage is growing together. So yes, maybe Sophie and I changing throughout our marriage may be a good thing. As long as the feelings of love and intimacy are still present, I want to change with her and grow with her.