I wanted to share a few thoughts I’ve had for a few days now. Last night I became more inspired to start a conversation about it after my friend and I began talking on the phone about friendships and relationships. It is important to note that prior to the conversation, I had a different view. I believed that friendships were unconditional to relationships, meaning I thought that putting a friend in front of a relationship was just common sense. Now I am in no way saying that my views completely changed, and I do think its a very complicated and not black and white issue. After a 3 hour phone call with this friend, I am more interested in the entire dynamic.
So, on the phone, my friend was asking my personal opinion on if I’d end a friendship over a relationship and vice versa, I first asked why she wanted to know and she told me her roommate is writing a play dealing with the topic of relationships and friendships and being ghosted. I said I think it’s a lot more complicated but I answered the ghosting question and told her the most painful experience was being completely deserted by an ex of mine, the first girl I truly ever fell head over heels in love years ago. I explained to her that being ghosted is probably the most painful thing someone can do to another. She asked me how I dealt with it and I told her honestly, I let the feelings come and go. I told her that there is no way to escape feelings and no amount of alcohol could make me feel better and the only thing I could do is to accept the feelings of they came. I explained to her that at a certain point I learned to be okay with the feelings, whatever they were, I had to be okay with them. I didn’t try to not think about it, I forced myself to until I came to a point where I could hear her name and not get chilled. I eventually got the point where I didn’t see a tv show and think of her, listened to a song and think of her, I moved on. She asked me if it was anything like the feeling when the Canadian girl left too, and I said no it was 10x worse because I was with this girl for 2 years. I told her I had to get to a place where I could be happy for her and wish her the best and mean it which took a long time.
We then got to the relationships and friendship dynamic part for which I told her I have ended relationships over friends because my friends have always been there for me. I did follow up tho and say that there is a huge difference between a friend getting in the middle of a relationship and a friend just not approving of a relationship. I said that my current girlfriend has also changed my opinion on this as well. I told her that it’s the first girl since the one that left me years ago, that I feel seriously about and I could see myself seriously having a problem with a friend who disapproved, disrespected, or interfered in this relationship. I told her I don’t think a friend interfering or manipulating a relationship, or in general, is really a friend at all. I understand that a friend may have issues with it, but to get involved is not having your best intentions at heart and that to me is a big no no. I also told her that if my friend mysteriously disagree with my bi-sexuality and didn’t approve on the basis of sexual orientation I would end that friendship because it’s who I am at the core of my being and that shows disrespect. I said Im at the age where I want to settle down with someone and it took the girl 2 years ago, me losing a baby, and the Canadian girl situation for me to truly understand what I want out of life. Respect, Love, Positivity. I explained that I am 26 years old and I will be 27 this year and I can’t have drama in my life, relationships, or friendships. I said we will continue this conversation later because I am now super intrigued because we all have had that one relationship or friendship that was difficult because someone didn’t agree.
I wanted to share this with y’all because I think it’s a fascinating topic. Sorry for the rambling.
More to come later.